shrek bowie otp

 

SHREK / DAVID BOWIE IS THE ONE TRUE PAIRING!

SHREK / DAVID BOWIE IS THE ONE TRUE PAIRING!

grawly:

THIS SHREK COOKBOOK TOLD THIS PERSON’S KIDS TO MAKE PANCAKES WITH TWO AND A HALF CUPS OF SUGAR

Anonymous asked
no barry get out david doesnt love u

DAVIDS ONE AND ONLY LOVE IS HIS MANAGER BARRY BEE BENSON SHREK IS DREK 

david lynch is directing once upon an ogre the movie

Anonymous asked
i think u should finish once upon an ogre

ONCE UPON AN OGRE PREVIEW (coming soon to ao3)

When you wish upon an Ogre" David Bowie’s mom started, but was interrupted by the 9-year-old boy. "BUT MUMMY! What’s an ogre?" Lil David shouted. Davids mum slapped her son across the face. "You need to pray to the Ogrelord for forgiveness, young boy!" David began to object, but his mother stormed out of the room at warp speed. "Okay, here goes" David said nervously. "Dear..ogrelord. Whoever you are." Suddenly the ground began to shake. A large green figure appeared. 
"WHO DARE SUMMON ME!!!!!!?," the large green creature roared. David was so frightened that he wet himself. Shaking, he found himself unable to speak. It was as if his lips were glued shut. The giant green ogre moved closer. He began to sniff the air, and followed the scent to David. The green man moaned. "That’s a nice smell!," he exclaimed. Now directly in front of young David’s face, nose to nose, the Ogre Lord screamed at maximum volume, "WHO DARE SUMMON SIR SHREK!!!!!!?" and roared. The force was overwhelming,  and David passed out. When he awoke, he was on a swamp, wearing nothing but his diaper and covered in mud (he hoped), bits of onion, and ogre slobber. "Shrek," David muttered to himself, "So that’s his name." Before young David Bowie could do anything else, a bunch of onions were being launched at him. "What are ye doin on ma swamp!" Shrek yelled. David couldn’t hear him because he was now deaf. Crying, David spoke: "You brought me here! And now I can’t hear! I just want to go back home. I want my mum!!". Shrek giggled. "But David, I am ya motha!!" Shrek shouted. David still couldn’t hear him. Shrek picked David up and brought him into his swamp house. "Are you ready for a surprise, lad?" Shrek said gently. "Tee hee," Shrek said with a completely serious face, "I know just what to do with you, laddeh." 

"David? David, wake up, you have to perform in a few hours! What are you thinking-" before David’s manager Barry Bee Benson could say any more, the rock star began loudly chanting "CUTTING ONIONS WITH A KNIFE, SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE!" He did not stop this until Shrek himself came into the dressing room of David Bowie, who was dressed in full Ziggy Stardust costume, and slapped his cheeks with full force. David blinked a few times and said "…Shrek? I.. I can hear! What’s going on? I.." Shrek put his finger over David’s mouth and shushed him. "It’ll all be ogre soon"

-excerpt from Once Upon An Ogre